Take a step back.

Ok, so I was doing some work on the blog. Looking through some old posts, reading comments... All that fun stuff. :) But anyway, I came across my post a LONG time ago called When God writes a Love Story. I remember being so convinced that that boy and I would be together. I remember trying with every fiber in my body to make a difference in his life, and get him to love me as much as I loved him. But the truth is, that he just didn't. And that's ok. I'm not going to tell you that I hate his guts. I'm not going to say that he "Played me". I'm not going to tell you that it was a horrible experience. And I'm not going to say that I didn't deserve it. Was there a time that I did feel this way? Yes. Absolutely. I am a girl. I am human. I believe that everything happens for a reason. So, when he broke up with me, I was horrified. Yes. I was extremely distraught. I cried oh so very hard for days. It took me over a year to get to the place I'm in now. I wrote more songs than I care to admit about how I wish I could get him back, how horrible of a guy he was, how upset I was, how in love I was, and anything else I was feeling. I felt let down, I felt pushed to the side, and I hated that. I knew that he was what I wanted, but he didn't want me. And do you know what? I've had a revolution. Hold on... This is going to take a bit of settling. Are you sitting down? Are you ready to hear this? Are you sure? ... REALLY sure??? Ok...

Push play on This ^ before looking at the pics. :)

I spent a LOT of time trying to fit these^ pictures to the words you're hearing... But I'm not sure if it worked or not. :) 

So...^ There's the bridge picture. :) 

Anyway, I realized that it's ok. :) I can't complain about what happened. Was it a really bad experience? Yes. And it crushed me. But after every rain storm there is a... C'mon, you know this...

That's right... A rainbow. :) And rainbows are great! Let me tell you... :) They symbolize so much. They take a broken looking, sad thing. And turn it into something amazingly beautiful. :)

I've had my own personal experience with "rainbows". You're thinking... C'mon Ayballin... We all have seen rainbows, it's not that exciting. :) I mean... Their pretty, but you see them, and then you just kinda know there's a rainbow there.

And, yes. That is true, but I'm talking a metaphorical rainbow.

 Sometimes I guess you just realize that your life is awesome. You're life even though it's not easy all the time, it's alright. And it's awesome. :) Everything falls into place, everything will turn into what it is supposed to, and I can't complain. :) I'm actually very happy. I look back today and think wow, I am so much better off. I don't need anyone to make me happy. I have music, I have a career, I have a life. And I am happy. When the right guy comes, he comes. But for now... I'm just fine. And life is good. :)

Sometimes you have to take a step back from everything and think to yourself "Life is good."

Life is amazing

Life is a Journey

And, we all look for our rainbows.

Anyway, Good luck. Hang in there. Find your rainbow. Weather that is your true calling in life, your true love, or a church who will accept you the way you are. I wish you well, and that you find your rainbow. :)

Your faithful writer A J.

I love you all, Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. (I know it's long...) 

So long! Fairwell!And everything else they sing. :)

Sad endings, but happy beginnings.

Hello all! It has been a very, VERY long time since my last post... Since my last post a lot has happened! Lets start with June 11th. My life was as happy as I thought it could possibly get. I had just graduated High school, and my life seemed to be on track. I was planning my wedding, I was planning my life the way I thought God wanted it to go. But, then I was thrown a curve ball. My boyfriend called me up, and the first thing he said to me was not "Hey, how are you doing today?" or "Hey, do you have a minute to talk?" He said "We're breaking up." My world suddenly fell from the high it was on. Plummeted to the ground like a meteor falling from the sky. And, being me. I replied "No, we're not." and hung up. Lets get one thing straight from the beginning. If you have the guts to come over to my house, and ask my father permission to date/marry me someday.You should have the guts to come over, and break up with me face to face. The only reason you have for breaking up over the phone, is if you are in a different state/country and can't afford to fly out to do it like a man (That goes for girls as well. Give the guy the dignity of telling him to his face it's not working.) After that call, he called over and over and when I finally answered, I yelled at him. I went to my house and cried. Because my life as I knew it was over. The life that I was so proud of, so sure of. Was all broken in one single phone call. I tried to write a song, and I couldn't think of any words to put down how I was truly feeling until 3 months after the fact. Usually I can write anything, anywhere. But this was different. This made the words never come. I truly loved him. And I knew I always would. He will always have a special place in my heart. And I am still trying to remove him from the space he doesn't deserve. A couple weeks went by and I was no longer crying myself to sleep on a regular basis. And, I was planning my first concert! (Which went really well by the way!) My aunt and I went out and printed posters, and we were out hanging them up when I ran into one of my really old friends! I knew him when I was 12, but we had lost touch, and hadn't really talked. But, when we ran into each other, we spawned an awesome friendship! And I consider him my best friend. Him and I both knew that we liked each other, but we didn't want to mess any of the friendship we had up. So, we shut our mouths. We didn't want to make the other feel awkward. He insisted that he didn't have a crush on me. But I knew otherwise. All the while, our friendship was growing stronger and stronger. I realized that I was telling him all my problems, and ranting and raving to him about EVERYTHING! And that he was doing the same to me. We started to rely on each other for spiritual encouragement, and just having fun hanging out. I started to see that he and I had so much more in common than Ben and I ever did, and then I realized something a little upsetting even to me. I started to love him. Not just the mushy gooshy kind of love either. (Of course there's that too) But, I love him as a person, I love what he stands for, what he believes about life, God, Music, and other important topics. I love spending time with, and I love who I am when he is around. I feel like we push each other to greatness. Instead of holding each other down. Anyway, that's not the point. I guess the point is. I learned, that even though I was so upset about loosing Ben. I gained something much better than Ben could ever have been to me. And for that I'm grateful. I learned how to love fully, and I learned that even though I thought I was following God's plan, I wasn't. I was following my plan. Believing what other people thought instead of listening to my own beliefs. Knowing things wouldn't work looking at the facts. So, now I am looking at the facts, seeing that this other guy and I have a much better relationship. And that I will be truly happy. So, thank God for sad endings. Because they usually lead to happy beginnings.

Your faithful writer A J