Sad endings, but happy beginnings.

Hello all! It has been a very, VERY long time since my last post... Since my last post a lot has happened! Lets start with June 11th. My life was as happy as I thought it could possibly get. I had just graduated High school, and my life seemed to be on track. I was planning my wedding, I was planning my life the way I thought God wanted it to go. But, then I was thrown a curve ball. My boyfriend called me up, and the first thing he said to me was not "Hey, how are you doing today?" or "Hey, do you have a minute to talk?" He said "We're breaking up." My world suddenly fell from the high it was on. Plummeted to the ground like a meteor falling from the sky. And, being me. I replied "No, we're not." and hung up. Lets get one thing straight from the beginning. If you have the guts to come over to my house, and ask my father permission to date/marry me someday.You should have the guts to come over, and break up with me face to face. The only reason you have for breaking up over the phone, is if you are in a different state/country and can't afford to fly out to do it like a man (That goes for girls as well. Give the guy the dignity of telling him to his face it's not working.) After that call, he called over and over and when I finally answered, I yelled at him. I went to my house and cried. Because my life as I knew it was over. The life that I was so proud of, so sure of. Was all broken in one single phone call. I tried to write a song, and I couldn't think of any words to put down how I was truly feeling until 3 months after the fact. Usually I can write anything, anywhere. But this was different. This made the words never come. I truly loved him. And I knew I always would. He will always have a special place in my heart. And I am still trying to remove him from the space he doesn't deserve. A couple weeks went by and I was no longer crying myself to sleep on a regular basis. And, I was planning my first concert! (Which went really well by the way!) My aunt and I went out and printed posters, and we were out hanging them up when I ran into one of my really old friends! I knew him when I was 12, but we had lost touch, and hadn't really talked. But, when we ran into each other, we spawned an awesome friendship! And I consider him my best friend. Him and I both knew that we liked each other, but we didn't want to mess any of the friendship we had up. So, we shut our mouths. We didn't want to make the other feel awkward. He insisted that he didn't have a crush on me. But I knew otherwise. All the while, our friendship was growing stronger and stronger. I realized that I was telling him all my problems, and ranting and raving to him about EVERYTHING! And that he was doing the same to me. We started to rely on each other for spiritual encouragement, and just having fun hanging out. I started to see that he and I had so much more in common than Ben and I ever did, and then I realized something a little upsetting even to me. I started to love him. Not just the mushy gooshy kind of love either. (Of course there's that too) But, I love him as a person, I love what he stands for, what he believes about life, God, Music, and other important topics. I love spending time with, and I love who I am when he is around. I feel like we push each other to greatness. Instead of holding each other down. Anyway, that's not the point. I guess the point is. I learned, that even though I was so upset about loosing Ben. I gained something much better than Ben could ever have been to me. And for that I'm grateful. I learned how to love fully, and I learned that even though I thought I was following God's plan, I wasn't. I was following my plan. Believing what other people thought instead of listening to my own beliefs. Knowing things wouldn't work looking at the facts. So, now I am looking at the facts, seeing that this other guy and I have a much better relationship. And that I will be truly happy. So, thank God for sad endings. Because they usually lead to happy beginnings.

Your faithful writer A J